Category Archives: Experience

My body, my mind, my life

This is probably the first deeply personal article I am writing for this blog. In this article I will cover my struggles with bullying, self and body image.

My friends and family would say I am one of those people that just doesn’t give a damn what people think. Which is true but in the past I struggled to accept myself physically and personally. This was thanks to good old bullying oh joy. Bullying for me started during the last 4 years of primary school (7-10 years old I was). The older kids use to tease me for being a chubby kid. Believe me I wasn’t thin as a rake, I was a squishy kid, which I look back and think being squishy is good cause I give the BEST bear hugs. But the kids took advantage of my body type and called me names like fatty, pig and ugly. To little me hearing those taunts crushed me and lowered my confidence and self esteem very low. Also while at primary school I was suffering from a bladder capacity problem. After going through GP after GP and not getting anywhere closer to finding out what was wrong with me. My parents demanded to have me transferred to a specialist unit in London. And after a few visits and monitoring through ultrasounds 10 years of wondering what the hell was wrong with me was laid to rest. The final and miracle GP confirmed with me that since birth my bladder wasn’t developing at the rate it should of been. In other words my bladder was weak and smaller than normal. The GP said that as soon as I hit puberty my bladder should develop normally and the problem will go away. When the kids at primary school found out about my problem they would tease me about that too. I was eventually discharged from hospital on 22nd March 2011. After 13 years the problem was well and truly behind me. But the damage was done and I still carry the metaphoric scars. The bullying and teasing left me very self-conscious so much so I hated looking at my bare body in the mirror.

Now personally I was one of those kids that wanted to make everyone happy and be loved by everyone (in other words fit in). One example of this is, some should I say ex friends I was hanging out with at the start of secondary school started to change and lost interest in me. I didn’t want them to leave me so I started to act like someone I wasn’t to please them and to fit in. In other words they had me wrapped around their fingers and treated me like a puppet on strings. Summer 2012 was a brilliant summer but through being someone I wasn’t I lost myself trying to please others. That year I holidayed in Jamaica with my family and I was glad that I was FAR away from my problems. This gave me time to re-evaluate my life and get back to well ME. The me that loved rock, heavy metal, alternative music, loved video games, anime, manga, sci-fi, reading and internet personalities. And the other thing didn’t care what people thought. At that point I was probably the loneliest and most vulnerable I’d been in my whole life. But in September 2012 I had started my penultimate year at secondary school (Year 10) and little did 14 year old me know an old face was to give me what I most needed to be loved and feel like I belong. This old face was my very close friend Kieran. He came up to me waiting at the gate for my “friends” and he could see I was upset. He then grabbed me by the hand and said “Come on Jen walk with me instead” so I did. And from that moment I let go of those toxic people. Cannot thank Kieran enough for what he did for me that day in September 2012. From then, through college until now I’ve met so many amazing people and they know who they are. I truly feel I can be myself and not be ashamed of it and I feel so liberated. I feel like a bird that has been set free to soar in the sky. Because of those people I am proud of the body I’m in. I’m 9 and a half stone of pure women and I’m proud, I’m a rocker and I’m proud, I’m a geek and I’m proud and I AM WHO I AM AND I’M PROUD TO BE ME. And as Limp Bizkit’s song ‘My way’ says This time I’m ‘a let it all come out.
This time I’m ‘a stand up and shout.
I’m ‘a do things my way.
It’s my way.
My way, or the highway.

Jennifer Diana Williamson xxx ❤

20170420_173331
But that’s just me 🙂 xxx ❤

 

My College Story

Well I’ve come to the end of the road (sorry for the boyz II men reference XD) of my college creative media course. It only seems like yesterday I was that nervous and shy 16 going on 17 year old girl when I started in September 2014.

Now I aspire to be a radio DJ, television presenter and journalist in the future. My love grew for especially the entertainment side of the media when I watched shows like Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow and Blue Peter god those shows were my jam growing up. When I would watch the presenters having fun and talking about stuff I was interested in I thought to myself I’d like to do something like that. Radio wise I loved listening to BBC radio 1 as well as my favourite station Kerrang because I’m a rock chick.

I remember having a meeting with the careers adviser at my former secondary school and expressing my interest in working in the media. We then both researched into a pathway I could go down into working in the sector. I then decided right let’s go to college and get a diploma in Creative media production. I then applied and I was interviewed in February 2014 and after hitting the books and studying hard I passed my GCSE’s with flying colours. I then enrolled on Wednesday 27th August 2014 now that day was a bittersweet day as I lost my nanna at the grand age of 90.

Starting college was a shakey start as I was grieving for my nanna and the friends I had made in the beginning rallied around me and offered me the support I needed to get through it and I can’t thank them enough. Most notable projects I remember being a part of in the first year of the course was the music video project in which my group got a distinction for it. One shooting day that is forever in my memory was when I went up to Epping where my friend Lizzey lived at the time. Myself Lizzey and Ryan went to Epping forest as we thought it would be the perfect setting for the video as it was supposedly haunted and according to Lizzey’s girlfriend at the time the railroad through the forest was rumoured to be abandoned. We then found out the hard way that it in fact wasn’t. To then get over the traumatic experience of nearly being hit by a freaking train we went down the local chippy for a deep fried mars bar. Also the documentary project as well where the theme of it was on animal cruelty my group went down to Hopefield animal sanctuary in Brentwood which was a very interesting and heartwarming day.

In February 2015 I had a first time experience and that was going on a trip abroad without my family. Munich in Germany was the destination for this educational visit and boy am I glad I went. I bonded with my peers and had such an incredible experience exploring the culture and attractions of such a powerful country. Sure I had a few moments of homesickness which was understandable but my word what a trip it was. Definitely planning to go back to Munich in the future. But I was happy when I got back home to see my family and to get into my own bed again.

Without going to Munich I wouldn’t of gotten close to a very special person in my life. This person is my boyfriend Jamie. Now we met in January 2015 and we got to know each

20150622_173334
Jamie and I 🙂

other a lot more in Munich and after a lot of will they won’t they we finally got together in March 2015. Jamie was half way through his last year of the same course I was doing when we met and he has recently finished his first year of university. From the moment I met him I knew I’d found someone special and someone who I could instantly connect with. I am a big believer in fate and destiny and I believe Jamie and I were born to be together. I mean we are both gamers, we both love the YouTube community and it’s content creators, we have literally the same taste in music, we are both massive geeks and we both eat the chocolate off of a magnum first before we eat the ice cream. I love him so very much and I can’t wait for many years with him <3.

Another thing that I was proud to be a part of was the college’s very own radio station called HCRonair. It came about when we all returned from our Christmas and New Year holiday at the start of 2015. Andy and Jeff our radio and animation lecturers announced the new venture on our return to college and encouraged us to propose and pitch show ideas and take part. Now I was a little tentative at first about doing it but from encouragement from my parents I went for it. I remember my first show it was on Wednesday 4th February 2015 and my show was called The Geek Show and I’d play video game, film and television soundtracks and talk about all things in geek culture. Fun fact I opened my first show on the Grand Theft Auto San Andreas theme tune because I am so cool. Also without doing the radio station I wouldn’t of met Jamie. He was doing a show on the radio station too called HCrocks it was a rock and alternative show. The Kerrang of HCRonair if you will. The countless times Jamie and I would rocks out together on each others shows are some of my fondest memories of the station. I would then go on to merge Jamie’s and my show together and the new show was called The Geek Rocks On. HCRonair helped build up my confidence, gain a fan-base of listeners and grow as a person. I feel that I have become more confident than my time at primary and secondary school combined. And that’s saying something.

Havering asks and TV week in the my last year was also another thing that helped my

20151204_160310
Havering Asks 2015 That’s a wrap

confidence as a presenter flourish. Havering asks is our version of the BBC panel show called Question Time. I had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing some inspiring and amazing people as backstage presenter throughout TV week and Havering asks. like HCRonair and Havering asks they are both a rarity and I’m lucky in the fact that not many colleges across the UK have their own radio station or can afford to do some big scale TV production like Havering asks. In the end of the day these things have given me the experience of what it’s like working in the media field.

Unlike school, in college you are actually learning things you will use in your everyday life I mean when am I ever gonna need algebra. I’ve been taught by lecturers who are professionals in their fields weather that is video/film, animation, radio, design, journalism, photograph etc. College has also helped me connect with people who I have a lot in common with and share the same interests. If any of you guys from college are reading this I love each and every one of you for being such amazing friends to me. In my 13 years of education college has definitely made me feel like I belong and made me feel that I am going somewhere in life. College has helped me find what was missing in my life my gorgeous boyfriend and I’m so lucky that I found him. I’ve never felt so alive in all my life and I feel like I’m on cloud 9.

As I step into the great unknown and carry on along the open highway that is my life I know that I have everything I need to survive in this world. And as the tenth doctor most famously said ALLONS Y it’s french for let’s go XD

Jennifer Diana Williamson xxx ❤ 🙂